Zach writes: Process me

OK, I just wrote 500 words of crap that will never see the light of day. I want to write about my writing process, seeing as I'm working on a manuscript and taking a good amount of my free time and money pursuing it. Yet when I write about it I sound like a Ritalin-addled ten-year-old.

That's actually close to the truth. I just took some generic NyQuil and a Mucinex to crush this cold I got last week. I might have a cold because I drank a Charles River of beer while in Boston. Eating a "jumbo" triple pepperoni pizza with three of my colleagues at 1 a.m. last Wednesday might have contributed a little.

Seeing as my writing process involved me getting up early to pound out a couple thousand words, this trip did not help with my rhythm. Well, I had to write in the afternoon or during lunch or right before bed. I'm not married to writing at any time of the day. I think my mind can find that groove in the record and get back at or close to the spot where I was the day before.

It helps to do it every day. If you want to get good at something, do it every day. At least you get good at doing something every day. I can't say that my writing is better after all this time. It's never a struggle to start writing. I heard a little bit of advice at a writer's conference last Saturday. The idea was if you were daunted by a blank piece of paper, start with the truth. Write about what you see out the window or something that's on your mind. You'll get back to the story.

I enjoyed the little challenges of writing, like figuring out a different way to dispose of ashes in each chapter. I had the dead guy's ashes in a coffee can like in Big Lebowski. But I just saw the ashes in a coffee can trick in an upcoming movie featuring Robert Downey Jr. and Zach Galifianakis. Now it's become a cliche. Yep, I need to find another moderately priced vessel.

The NyQuil is starting to take effect. I don't have much time. It's like I was hit with a dart from a stranger in the corner. Or the cat who's getting revenge for me giving him his daily pill. Either way, I am not long for this evening.

The discoveries of writing are the best. Having your characters do unexpected things is fun. There's a scene in which a married man is set up to have a date on New Year's Eve who is not his wife. He's in a near panic because he's faithful and doesn't even want the hint of infidelity. He finds out that his wife is cool with it, and she even sends him a short video message telling him this. It changes his conflict. Instead of trying to hide, he has to figure out why she's OK with it, and if he's really OK with it.

My ultimate goal is to keep things moving and keep them interesting. This is a guy book. The characters are mostly guys although there is plenty of female influence. I'll always be interested in female characters but the guys are going to be my forte.

ggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg...ha, thought I passed out on the keyboard, didn't you? OK, that was a lame attempt. I can't always be touched by the muse. Sometimes my hands just dance across the keyboard and ultimately it means nothing. I'm fine with that. As long as the needle keeps moving.